Monday, 30 September 2013

Goo-goo for Gosling

by Jasmine Ward.

Having given my main man much thought, I came up with a theory as to why he is so inexplicably perfect. We live in the era of the image, as a generation we came of age at the same time as the internet - the virtual. I can’t speak for everyone, but we don’t really pray any more. It’s not that we are faithless, it's more that religion has taken on other forms, such as the celebrity. These untouchable, golden creatures are like our Gods. It may seem depressing but it’s true: it’s them we idolize and emulate.

So Ryan is like a God.

But, more importantly, he (like most good actors) is a blank canvas. He is whatever you want him to be. My obsession has nothing to do with the person Ryan Gosling - it has everything to do with my many ideas of him. He’s doughy and sensitive in The Notebook; a moral intellectual in The Ides of March; a mute bad boy in Drive.
It’s not just me who’s goo-goo for Gosling. It was my mum who put me onto him. I remember her telling me how his charisma "just leaked from the screen." My friend’s little sister now boycotts his flicks. She says it causes her physical pain to know that he’s out there and they are not together. Last Christmas I reached an all-time low, I found myself googling his address. I happened to be in New York and I didn’t think it was stalking. I thought that if I hung out outside his pad, he would see me on his way back from the gym. My eyes would be so full of fervent devotion that he would have to come and talk to me.
My dream was insanity, but I have since decided that the obsession boils down to fantasy and reality. Studies have shown that erotic novels work better for women because our imagination plays a seminal part in arousal. So an actor with a myriad of appealing identities is a delectable ingredient for fantasy.
As women our idea of man almost always trumps the reality.  In all of Austen’s novels the heroine falls in love with the ‘Darcy’ when she is miles away from him. In fact, distance is an intrinsic part of Austen’s formula. The woman needs time away from the man to ‘imagine’ their life together. Then they meet, he proposes and the novel finishes. Is this because there is nothing romantic about the reality of man? All the romance is in the heroine clutching his letter, yearning for someone she thinks she can’t have.
So I will now invite you into my brain and hope I am not alone when I make this confession: I have often found someone who I think is aesthetically pleasing and then allowed my imagination to take charge. She glances upon this stranger and begins to construct Mr. Right. She makes sure they are perfect for me in every way. Obviously, as soon as I have my second conversation with 'Mr. Right', my dream is shot down. However, I think and hope this isn’t a weird 'me' thing. I am sure it’s a female phenomenon.
I blame the actor Ryan Gosling, for feeding our fantasies. He makes us believe that there is more than FIFA and beer pong. He keeps our hopes alive with each of his feminine ideals. I will go as far as to say: he is the reason I am perpetually single.
Ryan, if you’re reading this, please get in touch.

What Breaking Bad did right

by Daniel Woolfson.

So, it all ended this week. Although I’m sure the number of people who haven’t watched it yet is steadily dwindling, I won’t include details of anything that happened in the final episode out of respect to those poor souls. However, if you’ve not watched up to last week's Granite Slate, then hit the back button now.

Breaking Bad of late has been a bit of a cultural phenomenon – the Internet has been on fire with speculation and trepidation over Walter White & co.’s approaching swansong. Indeed, it’s been difficult to talk to anyone in public without the cancer-struck kingpin Heisenberg popping into the conversation. Having just watched the final episode Felina, I experienced somewhat of an epiphany in regards to exactly why the final season in particular has been given such critical acclaim.

Let it be known that I am an avid enthusiast when it comes to high-quality programming such as Breaking Bad – I’ve watched the whole of The Wire twice, Six Feet Under in its entirety at least four times. Not to mention I’ve stuck with Dexter for eight seasons, despite it’s appalling final season, and eagerly devoured Justified, The Sopranos, and pretty much any long-running production with a flawed but lovable male protagonist who faces a 5-or-6 season descent into chaos… or redemption… or a stupid narrative plot device like a hurricane (see Dexter season 8).

However, what really makes Breaking Bad so special is this, in my opinion – instead of peaking in quality somewhere mid-series like a good number of its predecessors, it grew constantly darker, got substantially more violent and the writing got better and better as it spiralled towards its blood and tear drenched finale. Most importantly, those writers knew when to stop.

The reason the final season of Dexter aggravated me so much was the complete lack of closure or excitement leading up to the finale. The show had been dragged on for so long, time and time again promising us the climactic fall of Mr. Morgan, yet never delivering. Instead, we were given a lame sub-plot about the killer finding true love and then something about someone’s son and a hurricane – and let's not forget the hideous amount of new characters introduced – not good fare for an epic finale, when you’ve spent seven seasons attempting to develop characters that ultimately get neglected.

The Wire suffered an uncharacteristically weak final season. Although in its entirety the show is still a television landmark, the ‘homeless killer’ plot seemed a little bit too fantastical for a show that made its name as a brutal portrayal of life on the streets. What made The Wire so fascinating was its bleakness, its reality, and the poignancy found in the utter hopelessness of Baltimore’s drug war. Whilst I did enjoy the final season, I found myself growing tired of the frankly boring commentary on the place of the media… that, and I missed Omar.

This trend can be seen in many high quality shows: just take OZ for example. OZ was the first of its kind in many ways, and to this day remains an example of bloody great TV, but my god was the final season a shambles. Furthermore, it had perhaps the most disappointing and boring end to a show I’ve ever seen. Even Dexter beat it.

But it feels to me that Breaking Bad never grew overconfident of its ability to captivate. Each season grew more difficult to deal with, yet more difficult to tear yourself away from. It took the anti-hero trope and gave it an injection of steroids to the face. In fact, what made the final glimmer of redemption and peace in the last five seconds of the finale possible was the fact that for the last forty-or-so hours of programming, the show had been a whirlwind of pain and destruction – we witnessed firsthand a believable and tender story of exactly what greed and good intentions can lead to. Ultimately, we were presented with a Shakespearean tragedy, with a suitably unhappy ending. Was there closure? Yes. Were there explosions and hurricanes and made up serial killers who murdered and then bit pieces out of homeless people? No, but there was a machine gun that chewed the hell out of some… oh, sorry… I’ll let you all find out on your own.
It’s been said that in the future television will be referred to as ‘pre-Sopranos’ or ‘post-Sopranos’, but I wouldn’t be very surprised if ‘Bad gets a mention as well.

We’ll miss you, Heisenberg.

Why pole dancing isn't just for strippers

by Emma McGarthy.

When people are asked about pole dancing the immediate picture is of half-naked women in heels, dancing provocatively in seedy clubs for gawking men.

There is, of course, truth to these images: strip clubs use poles and there is no denying the use of pole dancing to titillate.

But that is not to say all pole dancing should be put into this category.

Visit a pole dance class and you will see it is about a sense of community, of women coming together to increase their fitness, strength and confidence in an interesting and creative way.

This is happening alongside an increasing recognition of the skill, strength and athleticism involved in pole dancing.  

Gemini, a class in Brighton, set up by Amy Darby and Natalie Farmer, is an example of pole dancing being used for fitness and creativity.

When asked why she originally began pole dancing, Amy said that it was partly the burlesque and fun side of it. What kept her interested, however, and persuaded her to become more involved, was the physical challenge.

Amy said it keeps her stimulated in a way the gym can't, as it involves “being creative and being challenged mentally.”

It is this ability to be creative and make up your own dance routine which Gemini member Charlotte Simms said, “keeps people coming back.”

And there is no doubt that pole dancing is challenging, holding your body on a pole by just your thighs is by no means an easy feat.

Learning to pole dance takes patience, determination and a high pain threshold, but the feeling of accomplishment when you achieve a move is apparently like nothing else.

The increased flexibility, awareness of your body and the movements it can do make pole dancing addictive.

When speaking to the Gemini members, there is a common theme of pole dancing giving increased confidence.

And not just in women, but men, too. Thomas Bullivent said of pole dancing: “It's made me feel a lot more confident in myself.”

Having previously been overweight, Tom has battled with his body image for years but pole dancing vastly improved his self-confidence, as it has for many women.  

“My core strength vastly improved," he added. "There’s not a lot else that works your entire body.”

Getting the perspective of a man who has tried pole was enlightening as Tom says he only sees an “athlete” when he watches the girls dance. Yet he also believes the majority of men see pole dancing as “sexual torment and cock teasing.”

Pole might never lose its stereotype and there may always be those who are adversely against it.

However, after visiting Gemini and interviewing its dancers, it is not difficult to understand why a growing number of people are taking it up.

The supportive atmosphere, inventiveness and fitness you gain from pole dancing classes certainly oppose the stereotype of heels and seedy clubs.  

It's fun. And anyway, as Amy said: “expressing your sexuality isn’t a bad thing.”

Review: The Temperance Movement - The Temperance Movement

by Steve Dale.

‘Retro’ has been a popular trend worldwide in rock music for a number of years now, with the likes of Rival Sons from The USA and Graveyard from Sweden having made considerable headway in terms of selling albums and, more importantly, playing shows to progressively more people. Britain’s most recent contribution to this scene is The Temperance Movement, a band whose self-titled debut album last week achieved an astonishingly high position at number 12 in the UK charts.
Of course it has long been obvious to those in the know that rock music containing the spirit of the ‘70s gods doesn’t need modern mainstream recognition to have an eternal and thriving audience, but it is always great when, once in a while, this sort of thing pokes its long-hair above the surface.
Clearly taking a lot of influence from Led Zeppelin, Lynyrd Skynyrd and The Rolling Stones amongst others, The Temperance Movement showcase a rambling blend of blues and rock ‘n’ roll which is as infectious as it is loose.
They employ a very nuanced kind of guitar playing full of riffs, melody and brilliant solos in combination with Phil Campbell’s gritty but soulful vocal talents, rather than going straight for the instant gratification of basic chord structures and ‘catchy’ choruses like some modern rock bands (clue: It rhymes with stickleback).

This is not to say there aren’t hooks all over The Temperance Movement however: Take for example the main riffs from Only Friend and Know For Sure, or perhaps the choruses found in Be Lucky and Midnight Black. Although purists would hate to admit it, moments like these show why the classic rock revival is worth having, because quite simply they put The Temperance Movement on a level of songwriting very close to that of their heroes.

All things considered, from the driving hard rock sections to the more mellow ones, the moody ones and the outright joyful ones, this is a fantastically vibrant and varied album full of the sort of character and musical integrity it is difficult to find nowadays towards the top end of the UK charts.

A must have for fans of the blues and classic rock with a thirst for new sounds and modern production values.


Gargantuan grief at The Barrier Reef‏

by Katy Marriott.

Greed and destruction could scrape life from the shores of Australia if the newly-elected Prime Minister trades the protection of The Great Barrier Reef for the exploitation of coal.
The Great Barrier Reef sits just off the coast of Queensland and is the largest single structure composed of living organisms on the planet. It is a World Heritage Site, one of the Seven Wonders of the World and can be seen from space. 
Newly-elected PM, Tony Abbott, is planning to dredge the seafloor along Queensland’s coast to create a super-highway for coal ships. His plans include expanding ports to become coal-loading terminals.
Queensland is in Australia’s northern territory and sits atop the planet’s second largest source of untapped fossil fuels - so large that its discovery has recalibrated Australia’s entire understanding of coal mining. It is called the Galilee Basin and the nine ‘mega-mines’ planned for the area are currently at different stages of approval, with some currently being stalled by only a handful of environmentalists.
Australia is already the world’s largest exporter of coal and if the mega-mines open for business the global implications could be monumental.
The port expansion projects mean that many coastal zones could be deepened by dredging which would inevitably damage ecosystems and affect both the local tourism and fishing industries, as is already occurring in Gladstone, Queensland.
The impact of the approved dredging of 3 million tonnes of seabed, and its planned dumping in the Great Barrier Reef Marine Park, could be catastrophic for marine life globally.

Coral reefs are extremely complex eco-systems and are so delicate that the smallest of changes can have gargantuan repercussions.
Marine life has been stripped from coastal areas all over the world by a process called 'coral bleaching', which happens due to slight increases in global sea water temperature and acidity. The algae in the coral dies and, as it is the key to the entire food chain, no life can then be supported. There means no more fish and, naturally, this means devastating consequences for terrestrial and marine life in general.
Scenes like these are stark indicators of human industrial changes to the planet.

The devastation caused by large scale dredging of the Great Barrier Reef could have disastrous impacts on our oceans that are not yet fathomable. Furthermore, the carbon dioxide emissions generated from the resulting boom in Australian coal production will be unprecedented.

Sign the petition to lodge your outrage here.

FitBitch Bootcamp empowers women to ‘Run the World'

by Adele Norris.

Brighton-based FitBitch Bootcamp has been running a range of women's exercises in locations across Brighton from boxercising on the bandstand to jogging on the seafront.

Now the company is offering women a bespoke city-break with the chance to explore sites of interest whilst running in an international race, and even enjoy cocktails afterwards.

Rachael Woolston, founder of FitBitch Boot Camp, said: “I wanted to create a camp that would empower women, not just focus on losing weight. So far we’ve been to Lisbon; we’re off to Amsterdam in October; and next year we’re going to Marrakech and Istanbul.”

The boot camp is a community of women, run by female coaches who inspire each other and prove exercise can be fun.

Earlier this year Ms Woolston ran the Standard Charter Mumbai Marathon in 32 degree heat, finishing in 3 hours and 55 minutes. She came first in the women’s veteran category.

Ms Woolston said that finishing without anyone to celebrate with was an anti-climax though, so she hopes Girls Run the World will empower more women to enter international races. She believes it will give them a chance to see the world and celebrate together.

Women of any age are welcome at FitBitch, with a variety of one-off drop-in sessions to four-week camps. There’s even a FitMuthas class where children are welcome while mums work out.
Ms Woolston said: “A lot of women think ‘I have to do this to lose weight,’ but that’s wrong. You can find something you enjoy and you can do it with people you enjoy being with.”
You can check out Ms Woolston’s blog for training tips, food thoughts and gear reviews.
To find out where the next boot camp is, or for more information about Girls Run the World, visit the FitBitch Boot Camp website.

Ms Woolston concluded: “My biggest achievement is helping women see being fit and active is for anyone with any shape and from any background.’
Follow Rachael Woolston on Twitter @FitBitchUK.

Saturday, 28 September 2013

Review: Black Spiders - This Savage Land

by Steve Dale.

If there was ever a band to prove that straight-up fist-pumping rock ‘n’ roll is still very much alive in the 21st century, it would surely be Sheffield’s rising superstars Black Spiders. Following on from their excellent debut, Sons of the North, The Spiders are back in 2013 with their second album, This Savage Land, cementing their position atop the modern British hard rock mountain alongside the likes of The Answer and Heaven’s Basement.
Opening track ‘Knock You Out’ kicks into life with a command to “let the mayhem ensue,” followed by a riff so infectiously energetic it would be near impossible to stay standing still if they broke it out at one of their live shows. By the time this song is over, it’s already apparent Black Spiders haven’t softened up one bit since Sons of the North, indeed the production makes everything sound heavy enough to flatten a herd of stampeding elephants.
Next up is ‘Stick it to the Man’, essentially an adrenaline filled punk rock song in places with the lyrics to match, before ‘Balls’ takes us in a more of a 4/4 stomp direction. Lead single ‘Creatures’ (anyone with insectophobia should probably avoid the video) is also very much in a 4/4 time signature and features a hugely catchy chorus in which singer Pete Spiby takes a more relaxed approach compared to his usually quite intense performance.
Other clear highlights from This Savage Land include the stonery slow-burner ‘Sleepy Demon’; ‘Teenage Knife Gang’, which could easily be mistaken for a lost Motörhead b-side if it wasn’t for the fact Lemmy Kilminster sounds like nobody else in the world; and ‘Put Love in its Place’, a notable departure for the band that nonetheless goes down incredibly well with its brooding atmosphere, quite frankly fantastic vocals and hard hitting riffage towards the end.
This Savage Land doesn’t suffer from any of the ‘difficult second album’ issues some bands struggle with, and this is essentially because they have expanded their sound without breaking from their core ingredients. The album ought to see Black Spiders continue on their current upward trajectory and move into bigger venues to become a full time headlining act.
Album number three can’t come soon enough.

Friday, 27 September 2013

Hard day at the office

Our glamorous Lifestyle and Fashion editors, Jasmine Ward and Nayha Tandon, toiling away in the newsroom.

Why a forced living wage would hurt Brighton

by Lewis Jaffa.

As most of us know, Brighton has a lot of small, independent businesses dotted around. The area around North Street is a prime example of how businesses can thrive if they can manage to specialise enough to stand out from the rest. 

And as I’m sure all you wannabe hacks are aware, the Labour party is presently residing in our fair city for their annual party conference. I mention this because of the rather radical ideas that Ed Miliband has been putting forward to make himself seem as different from David Cameron as possible, much like the indie shops of Brighton.

While a lot has been said in the news recently of Ed’s plans to freeze the cost of energy, I’m more concerned about his decision to try to introduce a “living wage” of about £7.45 across most of the UK (it will be higher in London) and to “name and shame” those companies linked to the government who refuse to offer it.
Confederation of British Industry director-general John Cridland said the conference had delivered "a real setback for Labour's pro-enterprise credentials".
"Government is there to set minimum standards. You begin interfering with price, property and wages, as well as in tax, and you put business taxes up, how do you expect that to have a positive impact on wealth creation, job creation and more jobs on the high street?"
The living wage is significantly higher than the current minimum wage which is £6.19 per hour for those over 21. On the face of it, this seems like a masterstroke for the people in Britain who are earning the lower minimum wage.
However, there would be massive knock-on effects if this were to be implemented, especially in Brighton. Brighton’s main source of income is its tourism industry. Even during the recession, Brighton and Hove saw an 11% increase in overnight visitors between 2007 and 2011 – sending the number of tourists past the million mark.
As anyone, like myself, who has worked in a cafĂ©, shop or tourist attraction will tell you, it is rare to see anyone get paid more than the minimum rate. If a living wage were to be introduced, those small businesses that make up a massive part not only of Brighton’s economy but also its appeal will go bankrupt. 
It’s as simple as that.
Why? Because as you raise the expected wage for people in the minimum wage category, they will only apply or try to find jobs that pay that wage. The only businesses that will be able to afford the significant rise in the expected wages are the big kahunas. Tesco or McDonald's, for example.
Not only that, but those companies who try to implement the higher expected wages will be forced to employ less staff to make up for it. Another blow for the largest chunk of the unemployed.
Despite the news that Ed seems to have gone so far to the left he’s lost his mind, it is not all doom and gloom. The Brighton and Hove Chamber of Commerce has pledged not to “name and shame” businesses that do not pay the living wage in the city. It has so far signed up 93 firms to its campaign. This will go a long way to keeping those small businesses afloat.

Thursday, 26 September 2013

Leaked look book images go viral

by Nayha Tandon.

Several images from the fall/winter look book for Isabel Marant’s exclusive collection for H&M were leaked yesterday.

Last June, H&M announced that the French designer would be creating the collection, to be available from November 14th this year.

Following the image leak, the first official look book was revealed today. Images show chic and elegant pieces modelled by the likes of Milla Jovovich, Alex Wek and Lou Doillon.

Marant’s designs feature a variation of T-shirts, sweaters and winter jackets, as well as ankle boots and accessories for women.

The clothes range from feminine, textured sweaters with beaded embroidery to trousers with Native American prints.

As well as this, designs also show a more androgynous look. In particular, an oversized, grey coat taking inspiration from men’s tailoring shows a sleek, Parisian-chic style.

What is more - and new for Marant personally - is her full menswear collection featuring knitwear, jeans and leather trousers, which will also be out in H&M this November.

The Phantom Shorthander - what is he trying to tell us?

The Phantom Shorthander struck overnight. His (or her?) handiwork (shorthandiwork?) was found ominously scrawled across the whiteboard of Classroom Two. The following is photographic evidence of what is now being widely referred to as 'Exhibit A'. If anyone can decipher this arch code, please leave a longhand transcription in the comments box below.

Gossip Guru - issue one

by A. Lester Pugh-Smillie.

Only three weeks have passed for the trainee journalists at Argus House yet there has already been much gossip among the enchanted walls.

First thing's first, the news on everyone’s lips is one man from the north finding a Sussex Aphrodite.

One student, who wishes to remain anonymous, said: "I’m fairly confident they were holding hands on induction day and by the bowling trip they were cuddling."

A tough act to follow but it has come to my attention that a certain collection of individuals  - or 'Frostbites', shall we say - have been dining out together on a regular basis.

“I personally didn’t think cliques would form so early on into the course, but they've taken it upon themselves to distance themselves from the rest of the group. I am disgusted,” said one staff member. (Really? - ed.)

In other news, one of the senior members on Crowhurst Road, also working on The Bugle, has been requesting inappropriate contact with the females.

One delightful-looking woman said: “He asked me to be the physio for the football team, sooooo misogynistic. Like OMG.”

There have been revelations that a pair of ‘Blue Steelers’ are sending provocative images via the interweb to their partners during lectures.

A local relationships councillor said: "A bit of flirtatious sexting never hurt anyone, but you must be sure you don’t cross the ‘Miley Cyrus’ gradient. i.e. Twerking a colleague to make the person jealous is acceptable, but straddling a wrecking ball nude is an eye-sore for most."

Another contentious issue amongst the trainees has been the music video for Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines.

One of the more enlightened men among us agreed that it portrayed women in a bad light.

In response, a student from the Welsh valleys said: “Hey hey hey.”

Well, that’s a wrap for this edition of Gossip Guru.

Stay out of trouble, my little munchkins.

Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Hollywood's Rule of Two

by Jian Farhoumand.

Does nobody else find it strange that quite often two separate films come out at the same time, produced by two rival studios, that are pretty much exactly the same? Surely I’m not the only one to have noticed this? Anyway, I’ve decided to coin a new term for this outrageous phenomenon: Hollywood’s Rule of Two.

Exhibit A: In 1998 Armageddon (Touchstone Pictures) and Deep Impact (Paramount Pictures and DreamWorks) were released. I remember being really surprised at how similar these two films were. I mean, really, someone should have got sued.

I don’t know which studio/scriptwriter came up with the idea first, but both films (spoiler alert for the entirety of this article) are about a giant asteroid heading straight for Earth at such speed that mankind has to rush up a crew of brave Americans (obviously) to plant a nuclear bomb on the thing and blow it up pronto. Cue loud explosions and noise; throw in a love story; some humans die; mankind as a species survives; cue credits. Total rip-offs of each other. (Willis was the nuts though.)

Also in 1998: A Bug’s Life (Pixar) and Antz (DreamWorks)  now, I mean, did I hit my head? Two computer-animated stories about ants. Ants. Ri-i-i-ight. Other insects do get a look-in but both stories predominantly revolve around a single, heroic ant. So, basically, exactly the same story churned out by two equally unimaginative studios. Or, at least, one of them was unimaginative. Someone should’ve got sued.

1999: The Matrix and The Thirteenth Floor – in both films the protagonist is a computer programmer who realises he's caught up in an illusory reality composed of gobbledygook code and glittery, green lines. What ensues? Murder, love story, sci-fi twist – snap, snap, snap!

Now, I can get how maybe a cultural zeitgeist floating around at any one time might (perhaps) somehow inspire different studios to make films of a similar theme. Fair enough. So, as computer technology improved throughout the '90s and the notion of virtual reality took off, films about that could be expected to come out. Okay.

Similarly, throughout the '90s we became more aware (and therefore afraid) of a potential asteroid collision with Earth, due to the Hubble Telescope having been thrust into orbit and regularly beaming back images that were forever being discussed in the news. So there was a general, growing fear about asteroids in our collective mind's eye. I get it.

But I'm not talking about a few films that are just 'sort of similar', I'm talking about separate studios going head to head each summer with rival blockbusters that are total rip-offs of each other.

Here are some other outrageous double-whammies in chronological order:

2000: Mission to Mars and Red Planet – shiz gets cray on Mars. Humans die.

2006: The Cave and The Descent – creepy behaviour underground. Humans die.

2006: The Prestige and The Illusionist – a magician does some tricks. Humans die.

2009: Observe and Report and Mall Cop – a fat person is employed as a security guard. These two films are so ridiculously similar that I went into the wrong one at the cinema after seeing the trailer for the other one on TV. Pffft! Halfway through I was like, “Wait, where’s Seth Rogen?” then realised the deception.

2011: Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached – a couple of friends have sex. Even the poster for No Strings Attached contained the tag line: “Friendship has its benefits”. Someone should’ve got sued.

2012: Snow White and the Huntsman and Mirror, Mirror – the Snow White fairy tale gets a revamp. Well, two revamps. Charlize Theron’s evil queen is way fitter than Julia Roberts’ though. Julia Roberts’ makeup artist should’ve got sued.

2013: White House Down and Olympus Has Fallen  baddies attack the White House and threaten the President’s life. Humans die. Even both titles contain a three-word phrase that denotes physical collapse. I mean, come on, how is no-one noticing this? Someone’s whole legal department should’ve got sued.

Also in 2013: Oblivion and Elysium – two films about a future Earth where the most superior humans remaining get to live off-planet on a floating sci-fi mothership. One good man (Tom Cruise/Matt Damon – delete as applicable) attempts to save humanity: explosions and violence ensue; humans die.

I could go on, there are so many more examples of Hollywood’s Rule of Two. If you can think of them, please write them in the comments section below and maybe we can finally collate the internet’s most complete evidence cabinet/shrine to Hollywood hypocrisy.

Capital One Cup: Wednesday round-up‏

by Thomas Davies.

Manchester United did just enough at Old Trafford to hold on and knock Liverpool out of the Capital One Cup in what was the headline act from Wednesday night's third round ties.
Elsewhere there were wins for Stoke and Newcastle, Arsenal prevailed in a penalty shootout with West Brom and Birmingham pulled off the shock of the round as they dumped holders Swansea out at St Andrew's.
David Moyes' charges went some way to exorcising the ghosts of Sunday's 4-1 league horror show at the hands of neighbours City, squeezing out their bitterest rivals 1-0 courtesy of a smart close-range finish from Javier Hernandez. Liverpool had chances to force extra time, but a combination of poor finishing and a sturdy United defence ultimately put paid to their efforts.
Premier League leaders Arsenal came back from the brink at the Hawthorns to secure a dramatic victory over West Brom after penalties. Goals from Thomas Eisfeld (Arsenal) and Saido Berahino (West Brom) meant the sides could not be separated after 120 minutes. When Gunners starlet Serge Gnabry's poor effort was saved it looked as though the hosts' goalkeeper Luke Daniels would be the hero of the night; but wayward attempts from Craig Dawson and Morgan Amalfitano allowed Spain international Nacho Monreal to step up and coolly seal the tie.
Newcastle enjoyed a comfortable 2-0 win over Leeds at St James's Park as Papiss Cisse netted for the first time since April. The Championship side had threatened to make a fist of it after Ross McCormack nudged the woodwork within the first five minutes, but they failed to push on and Yoan Gouffran's late strike settled matters.
Loanee Stephen Ireland bagged his first goal in almost two years as Stoke scraped past Tranmere 2-0 at Prenton Park. Despite dominating the first half, the Potters were second best after the interval and Peter Crouch's last-minute finish was met with as much relief as celebration by boss Mark Hughes.

But the biggest talking point of the night came from the Midlands as 2011 cup winners Birmingham humbled last season's champions Swansea. Michael Laudrup's men controlled proceedings in the first half, but quick-fire goals from Dan Bunn and Matt Green stunned the Welsh outfit after the break. Tom Adeyemi wrapped the result up with ten minutes left to make it 3-0; Wilfried Bony's late header proved nothing more than consolation.

Sunderland v Southampton
Leicester City v Fulham
Birmingham City v Stoke City
Manchester United v Norwich City
Burnley v West Ham United
Arsenal v Chelsea
Tottenham Hotspur v Hull City
Newcastle United v Manchester City