Thursday, 26 September 2013

Gossip Guru - issue one

by A. Lester Pugh-Smillie.

Only three weeks have passed for the trainee journalists at Argus House yet there has already been much gossip among the enchanted walls.

First thing's first, the news on everyone’s lips is one man from the north finding a Sussex Aphrodite.

One student, who wishes to remain anonymous, said: "I’m fairly confident they were holding hands on induction day and by the bowling trip they were cuddling."

A tough act to follow but it has come to my attention that a certain collection of individuals  - or 'Frostbites', shall we say - have been dining out together on a regular basis.

“I personally didn’t think cliques would form so early on into the course, but they've taken it upon themselves to distance themselves from the rest of the group. I am disgusted,” said one staff member. (Really? - ed.)

In other news, one of the senior members on Crowhurst Road, also working on The Bugle, has been requesting inappropriate contact with the females.

One delightful-looking woman said: “He asked me to be the physio for the football team, sooooo misogynistic. Like OMG.”

There have been revelations that a pair of ‘Blue Steelers’ are sending provocative images via the interweb to their partners during lectures.

A local relationships councillor said: "A bit of flirtatious sexting never hurt anyone, but you must be sure you don’t cross the ‘Miley Cyrus’ gradient. i.e. Twerking a colleague to make the person jealous is acceptable, but straddling a wrecking ball nude is an eye-sore for most."

Another contentious issue amongst the trainees has been the music video for Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines.

One of the more enlightened men among us agreed that it portrayed women in a bad light.

In response, a student from the Welsh valleys said: “Hey hey hey.”

Well, that’s a wrap for this edition of Gossip Guru.

Stay out of trouble, my little munchkins.